Deadlines should be impossible


This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Code of War, a Machiavellian style satire written in a style of a self-help book set in the world of IT. It's based on my years of working in various tech companies, meeting a plethora of interesting but questionable characters along the way.

You can order it today, at https://codeofwar.xyz

Do you know about the saying “Idle hands are the devil’s tools”? It means that when one is unoccupied or has nothing to do, one is more likely to cause or get into trouble. There’s something similar which can be said about idle employees. So let me try to come up with a new saying here.

Idle employees are the ones most likely to fuck over their manager.

Having said that, let’s see what we can do to never have to deal with idle workers. Several tactics will come in handy to keep those fuckers busy so much, they’ll want to throw up at the end of every day.

You should always assign the most important jobs to inefficient workers. Do you have a newcomer on your team? Give them that critical feature to work on.

What’s even better, they’ll thank you for the confidence you gave them. Of course, they’ll work on it five times longer than someone else, but that’s the point. So keep ‘em busy and under pressure!

When dealing with time management and your inferiors hand over the estimate, always cut it by at least thirty percent. Then, if they catch up with that, start increasing it ten percent every subsequent project.

If they complain, tell them it’s out of your hands. Always tell them it’s the directive from above, and you can’t do anything about it. Then, to keep them from going berserk, promise them a bonus at the end of the financial year.

There’s, of course, no bonus. When they ask what happened with it, tell them again it’s not your fault. It’s the guys above that decided on that.

Another great tactic is to insist on excellent work on unimportant products. You should always find a flaw in the product that’s presented to you as finished. Always say that it needs more refinement. Then, even if there are no flaws left, make something up. Make them sweat!

When you see that the team is bustling, organize a series of meetings where everyone’s attendance is mandatory. The goal is to always let your subordinates come close to the finish line but never cross it.

If they actually achieve something and finish on time, they might get rewarded for it. That’s precisely what you should avoid. Only you should be rewarded.

What happens when someone above you asks why the project is late? Blame everything on your employees.


This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Code of War, a Machiavellian style satire written in a style of a self-help book set in the world of IT. It's based on my years of working in various tech companies, meeting a plethora of interesting but questionable characters along the way.

You can order it today, at https://codeofwar.xyz